"I’ve Led a Charmed
Life"
That’s
what most people think when they read my stuff…that I’ve lived a charmed life. Someone
actually said that to me at an art show once.
It was in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
A woman came into my booth and began to read my work. After a while she walked up to me. With a condescending tone she said, “To have
written such positive, life-affirming things you surely must have led a charmed
life.” I had just taken a gulp of my
Diet Coke and, in a fit of irrepressible laughter, I spewed it all over
myself. Not one of my more graceful
moments!
You see,
“charmed” is the last word I would have used.
I have been through my share of trials, Childless, I had a premature
hysterectomy in my early twenties that took away my dream of biological
children. Then after being blessed with an adopted son, he almost died…twice! I
was then divorced at 29. Being a single
working mom, trying to gut it out with a 4-year-old son was challenging. (No
explanation needed, right?) Then I married a widower with four young, very
broken, motherless children. Add up all the challenges of that situation and then throw into that financial crisis’s, deaths
in my immediate family, dealing with aging parents, and then a diagnosis of a debilitating,
chronic disease and you start to get the idea. I’m just like you! I have struggled with both physical and emotional
burdens that have pushed me to my limit – and then, with tears streaming down
my face, was pushed even farther.
Reflecting
on this now as I write this blog entry, I think the greatest lesson I learned
from it all was that my attitude was the difference between and ordeal and an
adventure. Some days I just had to figure out how to act “as if”… you know, “as
if” everything is okay, “as if” everything is normal, and “as if” everything is
just business as usual. I know some people call it “fake it till you make it.”
But I like to think of it more as acting with faith. For me it’s about
believing in something I can't see or touch. It’s about reaching deeper into myself
than ever before to find my true strength and courage. And more than anything,
it’s about ignoring the voices both in my head and all around me, telling me I
should just give up.
I like to
think of it this way: What if just around the next corner a shiny brass ring is
waiting for you? What if the rainbow’s end is just around the bend, and it’s
pot of gold emblazoned with your name? What if you act “as if” for just one
more minute? Just hang on and tell yourself this is not the time to wimp out. This
is the time to press forward with faith.
This is the time to put on your game face, and act “as if” nothing is
impossible.
When I do
this, I’m able to pick myself up, straighten my back and stand tall with
conviction and pride, knowing I have within me the drive, the strength and
determination to deal with whatever life throws at me. And because I’ve been
able to act “as if,” in spite of all the junk that was tossed in my path, I’ve
caught some pretty amazing things that came my way. While the idea of living a
charmed life sounds good, it has been adversity that has shaped me into the woman
I am today. I can honestly say I would
not trade those experiences for anything.
Today I
have a couple of my grown kids going through some pretty serious, life altering
challenges. Watching them struggle is breaking my heart. Yet at the same time I
see them reaching for that brass ring with every bit of strength they have.
They are visualizing that pot of gold at the rainbow’s end and they are “acting
as if” their lives depend on it. In
reality, their lives literally do. I
couldn’t be more proud of them. They are being molded and shaped by their own
adversities. And without a second of
doubt, I know they will emerge as the amazing women God has always intended
them to be.
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